The Look Back

Today, I have a blog dedicated to "The Look Back"  and the two different phases it has taken on in my life.

College- I have been with Brooke now 11 years and its been two of the best years of my life (just kidding Brooke). I do recall my days before Brooke and even when I was courting her.  I fancied myself as a True Gentleman and always tried to maintain a great reputation with the sorority community at UK.  Probably did a decent job at this, since it was the Sorority Council that nominated me for Homecoming King.  Anyway, I can remember going on many dates and always looking for one clue as to what the future might hold...that clue was the look back.  You know, when you drop her off for the first time and she walks towards her door...does she look back one more time before disappearing?  If she looked back, you were money and she was interested.  If she didn't well perhaps that was the end of your relationship (yes I know some girls don't look back on purpose because they play games).  Generally though, those that were interested in you would look back one more time.  Maybe she even includes a smile with her look back.  It can be an amazing feeling in some ways better than the first kiss.  You know if she looks back that there is a real chance and that she is interested.  It is an amazing feeling of excitement and gets you through the downtime till the next date.

Fatherhood- I have talked about dropping my girls off at school a lot on this blog.  I used to not do it as much but since Hadley Belle is here, I do it every morning.  That way Brooke and Hadley can sleep.  I have also said that the last thing I tell the girls when I am kissing them goodbye is that I miss them already.  That is 100% true.  No matter how much I do this, no matter how many times I drop them off- I still cant get over how big they are getting.  It still hurts a little to drop them off.  Today, Reagan gave me a hug and held on a little harder/longer than normal.  She started to walk to the classroom and turned right around and ran back to me to give me another hug.  It was a great feeling, I told her to have a great day and I will be waiting to see her when she got home (and again that I missed her already).  It was me, trying to put on my bravest face.  I stood there and watched her walk down that long hallway, something I have done so many times before.  Then, right before she was swallowed up by her classroom, she poked her head back our the door to see if I was still there.  Shocked, I smiled real quickly at her and she shot me back a smile, then she disappeared into her room.  For some reason it was like that look back from college.  I was on cloud 9.  I hadn't fell like that in a long time, it felt like VICTORY.  I don't know why, I can't explain it.  But when she looked back it made all my sadness disappear.  I think for her too.  We reassured each other.  When she looked back I knew that she was telling me that she loved me, she will miss me, and that she will be okay.  When she looked back and saw that I was still there, it reassured her that I will always be there for her, that I loved her, and that I will miss her.   It was pretty damned cool.

Turns out the look back still gets to me.