I have a confession to make-

One of the hardest things for Brooke and I to do is carve out time just for us.  We have to really work at it to have time where we aren't distracted by life.  I'm sort of proud that we are getting better and better at this, and I think it has been really healthy for our relationship.  It was just a few weeks ago, when we were just sitting around talking when I had an eureka moment.

Here is my confession.  I was not a good husband early on.  Don't get me wrong, I wasn't awful, but I have come to realize that I was not as mature as I thought I was.  I still sort of had the college mentality, but I was living in "the real world." Brooke and I were too young when we got married.  Well at least I was. I have only recently realized this, and its not an admission that I am proud of.  When I got married in 2003, I didn't actually have a true grasp on what it meant to be a man.  I certainly didn't understand what it meant to be a husband. Without question, I didn't know what it meant to be a true partner. Would I do it all over again? Absolutely.  Ask Brooke the same question, she might tell you something different.  That's a joke, I think.  In retrospect, would I do certain things differently and handle life differently? Absolutely. Truth be told, I didn't start growing up until Reagan came.  Then we moved to Lexington and Caroline came.  Then Baylor Grace, then Hadley Blaine.  At that point we moved to Chicago and we were really on our own for the first time.  This is significant because it made me realize how much I lean on Brooke, and how important she is to me.  Ive heard the saying that kids make a good marriage better, and a bad marriage worse.  It is absolutely accurate to say they have made our marriage better.  However, I think a reason for that is because they made me better.  They made me realize I needed to grow up.  The girls made me realize I needed to be more careful with how I acted.  The girls made me realize I needed to be better with how I was to Brooke.  The girls made me realize how important my conduct really was.  I now know I need to take better care of myself physically, mentally, and spiritually. They are always watching me.  While I am proud that Caroline thinks its fantastic that she farts like her Daddy, I realize now what I need to do for them.  The greatest thing I can do for my girls is love their mother.

I have no idea why I was the way I was back then.  For the record, my parents raised me better than that.  I am probably harder on myself than anyone else is, but I am deeply disappointed in myself for those early years.  I can never have those years back, I can never give Brooke those years back.  I guess it is all part of life's maturation process, even the parts you are disappointed in.  I'm lucky to have survived those early years when I was not the man I should have been.  I am even luckier to have Brooke be blessed with the patience of a Saint.  Life isn't about doing it perfectly.  Its about doing it better than you did the day before.