Circle of Life

That is Burbon on the left, holding the baby.  The baby is my father, Tim.  The woman in the front, on the right, is my Granny (Doris).

January 10th is a sad day in my house.  On this day in 1988, Burbon E. Ayers passed away.  I remember the last Christmas we had with PawPaw in Louisville.  He had moved back to Louisville from Jacksonville, Florida.  He had to, he was dying of Cancer.  I have blogged about my PawPaw before.  If you didnt read it, you can do so by clicking here.  Even if you have previously read it, I would recommend you doing so again.  That Christmas was much less a celebration, and much more of a preparation.  Mom and Dad knew what was coming, I think we were probably too young to understand.  At least I was.  When the good Lord finally called Burbon up, my father was sitting right next to him.  They asked my dad if he (my dad) wanted them to bring Burbon back to life, and Dad said no.  It was an extremely unselfish, and courageous, decision made by the greatest man I have ever known, my Dad.  The selfish thing to do would say yes.  We always want more time with our loved ones.  We want one more chance to tell them that we love them.  We want to spend as much time as possible with them, we will do anything for them.  Life is not a dress rehearsal, and my dad knew that it was time for Burbon (PawPaw v. 1.0) to be in heaven.   Dad's mom was already gone, Burbon was all he had left from his childhood.  Dad didn't bring him back.  He knew that Burbon was in an unfair amount of pain.  Dad knew that Burbon was ready to go, and that Burbon missed Doris. So Dad did what is one of the hardest things to do, he let go.

As mentioned before, I remember when I woke up on the 11th and Dad was home.  I knew that wasnt good.  He brought us into their bedroom and told us what happened. It was the first time I remember ever seeing my dad cry. I will never forget it.  As angry as I was that my PawPaw gone, Dad said "he is no longer in pain, no more hurting, now he is in heaven." Not a day goes by when my father doesn't think about Burbon.  Sure it hurts to remember the loved one lost,  but it hurts even more to forget them.  Burbon is never forgotten.  I know Burbon would be proud of the man he raised.  A man who always loved his family, first.  Who gave his best at everything he did, and who always tried to treat people fairly.  My father is PawPaws legacy, and by extension, so are Patrick and I. So are the girls, which makes my dad PawPaw (v 2.0).  January 10th is always sort of a sad day in my house.

January 10th is also a happy day in my house. On this day in 2002, I asked Brooke to marry me. For the record,  I did previously ask her father for permission.  By previously, I mean 10 days earlier.  It should be known that Brooke already had the dress.  It was already a done deal in her eyes.  I still needed to make it official though.  I had to give Brooke her ring , and she had to give me a flat screen tv.  Regardless, after I asked "Pop," I wasn't exactly sure how, or when, I would ask Brooke.  That ring quickly started burning a hole in my pocket.  Brooke would have hated something flashy or anything that would have drawn attention to herself.  My whole intention was to do it on a day when she least expected it, where she least expected it.  In retrospect, they way I did it was pretty underwhelming, and perhaps if I had to do it all over, I would change it up.  What I would not change, is the day I selected.  I remember sitting on my couch in Lexington and thinking about my PawPaw and how this was a bad anniversary.  I knew it would always be like that for the rest of my life.  What could I do to change that?  I hoped that I would only do what I was about to do once, so why not make my family bigger on a day when years earlier there had been a great void?  So, I selected this date with much more purpose than I did in the manner in which I asked Brooke.  Again, she already had the dress!  I don't know if I ever apologized to Brooke for simply catching her off guard in the our apartment? Im sorry, Brooke,  if that wasnt what you dreamed of.  The puppies (Flaget and Rory were puppies then) thought it was great!  Daddy (me) was getting down on the floor to play with them...so they thought.  I remember when Dad asked Mom to marry him- waaaaay back in the dark ages- he said "I promise to always love you and always take care of you.  Other than that, I can't promise a thing."  So when Brooke turned around and I was down on one knee (with two dogs jumping all over me), I said the same thing.  It seemed to have worked for them, maybe it would bring us some of that same luck.  The rest, as they say, is history.  History that we are still writing.  January 10th is also a happy day in my house.

See ya at Disney World!

Last week, we had to cut my visit to my parents house short, due to an unforeseen work commitment.  It was disappointing that my girls didn't get to spend more time with their MaMaw and PawPaw.  Brooke and I were talking about how amazing it is that they have such wonderful grandparents, grandparents who get along, too.  I never knew my Dad's mother, she never knew her father's father, so we are lucky. However, no matter how long you spend with them, it never seems like enough.   Despite the fact that they we were all sad to leave, Reagan left this incredible note for my parents when we did.  This board is downstairs in their playroom, and she did this without telling anyone.

"I miss you all ready (already).  Love, Reagan" Well played, Reagan.  This was very impressive by her.  Almost as impressive of the fact that my father took this picture with his iPhone and txtd it me.  As we drove down the driveway, the girls were yelling "See ya in Disney World, MaMaw!"  The next time the girls will see her is when we pick her up at the Orlando airport next month.   That does have a great ring to it.

Dont forget old acquaintance, appreciate them!

I am sorry, I know it has been a while since I have posted.  I actually have gotten a lot of emails asking about where I have been.  There has been a lot going on, and I have tossed around my next blog for a week a so.  I have written, rewritten, started over on it a few times.

First, let me say it was a wonderful Christmas. You probably expected me to have written a blog about it by now, but Im not going to.  That doesn't mean it wasn't great, it was.  It was amazing to have so many that I love here with us.  We missed Patrick and his crew, but it made us happy that he was happy.  Even if he was far away.  I actually don't want to write much about Christmas, this one I  want to keep to myself.  It was special  However, I will share one aspect of it.  As we gathered around the dinner table on Christmas night, we all expected my F-I-L to give a speech at his table.  He is a man of many words, it was a speech that Lombardi would be proud of for sure.  With all of us hanging on to the anticipation of what he would say, so much so that you could cut the tension with a knife, Pop leans over and says "super." That was it.

Brooke and I later went to Birmingham to see an old friend.  My old friend has found himself someone he is going to marry. We couldn't be happier for the both of them.  Sam was a big part of our family for a short period of time, and we have done a pretty good job keeping up with each other since we moved to different parts of the world.  Congrats, Sam- we all wish you the best.

That brings me to tonight, NYE.  Lots of people don't like NYE, and I have never been a big partier on this night.  Regardless, I love NYE and I never knew why, until today.  I remember being in the 7th grade and sleeping over at a friends house (God rest his soul).  He was having a bunch of us guys over, and I wanted to call my parents at midnight to wish them Happy New Year!   For the record, I was the only one who called his parents.  Well, Mom answered the phone, and its safe to say she wasn't in a festive mood.  I think she had been asleep for a couple of hours. I learned to never call them again on NYE, that's fine.  BUT EVERY YEAR my mother calls around dinner time and says "don't call at midnight, we will be asleep," yadda yadda yadda.  I get it Mom, 20 years later you don't have to worry about me calling.  To be honest, its funny.  I am proud of myself that I got off the phone tonight in such a hurry that she didn't have time to remind me not to call.  Brooke thinks I should.  She said not only should I call, I should bang pots and pans.  I will explain that on another blog.

A bonus tonight was that Brooke and I got to go see a move.  She can't remember the last movie she saw with me.  We went to go see "This is 40."  Loved the movie, loved it.  There was so much of my life in the movie.

1) At one point the father is arguing with his wife and daughters (who all teamed up on him) and he looks at them and says "sometimes I wish that one of you had a d*ck!"  I totally can relate.
2) The couple is finding it hard to keep the passion alive in their relationship due to..... life.
3) Some of their arguments are verbatim to ones we have had.  It was actually reassuring to me that apparently we are not alone.
4) He farts in bed
5) The soundtrack is great.  

In the end, they realized how much they love and need each other.  If they stopped trying to change the things they don't like about each other and appreciate the things that they love, their relationship is freer.    These past few weeks have been good for me, for all us. Being around Brooke, having some time just to ourselves, has helped me remember why she is so special.  I took her to see "Knocked up" when we were pregnant with Reagan.  We saw "the sort of sequel to KU" as we enter our 10th year of marriage. We have come a long way, and Brooke has been an inspiring partner in my life. As we flip the page to a new year, I am excited of what is to come with us, and I look forward to having more alone time out with her.

But I love NYE, and I read a quote today that really summed it up.  It hit home with me on why I love this day. "An optimist stays up till midnight to see the new year in.  A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves."

So, as I sit here at my in-laws house, I find myself in a state of deep contemplation.  Ive loved the trip down here,  as I always do.  I think about the changes and the great things that have happened this year, and I am excited to see what the new year brings.  We have one more hour (CST) before 2013.  I will sit awake and watch the ball drop (alone).   I may not have anyone to kiss tonight, but tomorrow I will have plenty of girls to kiss.  That's fine by me.  Brooke is happier when she sleeps- that will make us all happier.

I hope you have reflected on your past today, and I hope that you are excited about your future.  In the end, I couldn't have said it better, Pop- "super!"

Remember, no man is a failure who has friends.

Clark W. Griswold meets The Crow

I get made fun of in my family for being a Clark W. Griswold clone.  I try so hard to create these grand events, that I can sometimes be over the top with them.  I build them up for so long, I am always devastated when they are over (Im not saying I have been known to cry at the end of these events, but Im not saying I haven't), the event I anticipated for so long is now a memory.  My grand plans almost never live up to the visions in my head, although they are generally pretty close.  One of the things I love the most is when I can get my family (or at least as many as possible) together.  Lots of people say that family means everything, Im not sure lots of people actually mean that.  I, for one, do.  I credit my father who had virtually no family.  I didnt know his mother, I barely knew his father, and Dad is an only child.  All he had was Mom, Patrick, and I.  Im fortunate to be very fertile, so I have lots of kids.  I have also said that I won the in-law lottery, cause I truly love my in-laws.  One of the few things I love more than both my parents and in-laws are when we are all together.  Thankfully my parents and in-laws are great friends.   Almost every conversation between Brooke's father and my father end with "love you man."  Which is funny because neither of those guys particularly like people.

A few years ago we decided to move our Christmas gatherings to Gatlinburg, a redneck town in the mountains of East Tennessee.  A hillbilly town that Brooke and I love.  It is even better now that the girls are getting bigger.  We rent out a cabin, all convene there for a weekend of great food, lots of drink, priceless memories, and time spent together.  We did this a few years in a row, but work has gotten in the way the past couple of years.  Back in August I realized that I might be able to pull together another grand ole Ayers family vacation.  I said "girls, gather around the table, Daddy has a big announcement!"  Reagan replies: "you took a new job, so we can move back to Lexington?!"  Whatever I had to say at that point would be anti climactic.  However, we were all excited about the weekend trip to Gatlinburg.  It was a trip we talked about for four long months.  When the days/weeks were difficult, I would just think about this weekend- and it would get me through.  I never fully knew if I could pull it off.  While everyone was committed to being there, work might get in the way for my folks, perhaps something else would happen to my in-laws.  You just never know.  I wouldn't believe it until we all unpacked our cars at the cabin.  We were also fortunate to be joined by Brooke Perrin, who is the girls Godmother.  She brought her baby boy, they are both (well plus her husband Austin who is doing his residency) very much part of our family.  We haven't decided how to break the news to the girls that "Aunt" Brooke isnt really their aunt.  Who knows, maybe we never will.

On Thursday, after a very long week of an even a longer semester, we were on our way down.  I hopped in the car with Dad, MaMaw hopped in the car with the girls.  If anyone was looking forward to this week as much as I was, it was my mother.  Im not sure there is anything she enjoys more than being their MaMaw.  Let me tell you, she is great at it too.  Its been a long year for Mom and Dad too, this was a much needed break for everyone.  Dad likes to tease me, about everything, so I was never sure if he was really going to come.  When we finally got there, it was surreal.  My great family weekend had begun.  To top it off, it was the most beautiful cabin in we have ever stayed in with an absolute breathtaking view.

Thursday night dinner was at The Old Mill in Pigeon Forge.  Anyone who has been to the area, knows this restaurant.  Its a good, old, southern, place to eat.  It was a great kickoff to what was going to be a great weekend.  PawPaw was a little distracted on his cell phone, MaMaw was awfully quiet.  We got back to the cabin around 7, by 7:30 my parents had loaded up the car and were heading back to Louisville.  Mom, wasn't feeling well.  I wont go into too many details other than we think she will be fine.  Just in a lot of pain, in a place where she couldn't get much help.  As excited as I was for the weekend, I was now as equally crushed.  I never get to spend good time with my parents anymore, especially now that I live in Chicago.  Having everyone there (except Patrick) is a rarity, now it was gone....in seemingly an instant.  Mom didn't say goodbye to me, and I know why.  She was too disappointed that she felt like she was ruining the weekend.  She felt like she was letting me down, that if she said goodbye, she would break down in tears.  Its about a 35-45 minute drive back to I-40.  She cried the entire way.  Yes I was angry, yes I was disappointed, but not at her.  Just at the situation.  I missed her (them), the girls would miss them, the weekend wouldn't be the same.  Don't get me wrong, the weekend was still great, but it wasn't the same.

As I sat in a rocking chair on the back deck, I couldn't help but think of the last interview given by Brandon Lee, son of Bruce Lee.  Brandon Lee died in sort of an odd way, just like his father did.  He died while filming a movie called The Crow, which the subject matter of the movie was very poetic considering the circumstances.  (Read about The Crow, here)  Regardless, he gave one last interview before dying on the movie set.  It struck me as a sophomore in HS, and it sticks with me today.  Watch this, and I think you will know what I mean.  You dont have to watch the entire thing if you don't want.  If nothing else, watch from about the 4:45 to the 5:45 mark.  It is a perfect summation of how I feel about this weekend and why I get so excited for events with my family.

Nothing is trivial.

So proud of our MaMaw

I wanted to share with you something my mother has done for our soldiers.  Most of the time you hear talk about parents being proud of their kids.  Sometimes, the kids get to be proud of their parents.  Im fortunate that my parents have given Patrick and I so much to be proud of.  This is just something else that makes me proud of MaMaw.  She has spent hours and hours sewing scarfs for our soldiers in Afghanistan.  I mean hours.  Below is a total of the amount of scarfs she has sent, each with a personal note. She received an email from one of our men over there, it is copied below.  We love you MaMaw, we are so proud.


All together -

2010 - 35
2011 -  412
2012 -  306

Total  753


From: Bailey, Danette D CSM USA 3-401st AFSBn CSM <danette.d.bailey@afghan.swa.army.mil>
Date: Wed, Nov 21, 2012 at 10:24 AM
Subject: (U) Thank you for the hand made scarf,
To: OpGrat@gmail.com


UNCLASSIFIED

Ms. Ayers,
I wanted to take this time out to say thank you for the beautiful scarf,
that I received in a care package sent to me from Operation Gratitude.
I am the Bn SGM for my battalion here in Bagram Afghanistan.  It is a
great feeling to know that our American people still show care, love,
gratitude and support for the Warfighters of this great nation we fight
so hard for as an American Soldier today.   I never take for granted how
bless I am to continue my duty, loyalty and selfless service after 31
years of service and still continue to live the Army values while
serving here in Afghanistan.  Although I have only been here for a
little over 2 months with 10 months to go, it feels like eternity.
However I have a mission to complete and I plan to do just that.  The
Soldiers, DA Civilians and Contractors who serve under my leadership, I
am thankful for their support as well.

Please know that I appreciate the time and care that you took in making
this scarf that I will carry in my bag during my BFC's (Battle Field
Circulations) until I am back home to the states to wear it proudly for
all to see.

I am very thankful, God Bless you and thank you again.

SGM Danette  Bailey
3-401st AFSBn
Bagram, Afghanistan
APO AE 09354
DSN (312)-864-5294
MMCS: 644-5294   Cell:  079-619-6536
SWA:Danette.d.bailey@afghan.swa.army.mil

"First to the Line"



UNCLASSIFIED

25 things I should teach my girls

Not my blog, but great advice

I have this reoccurring nightmare, seriously

Alright, most of you know that I swim on a daily basis.  I try and lift during lunch, swim before work.  When I swim, I am 100% in a zone.  My head is down and the rest of the world is blocked out.  Not only is a great workout, it is a way for me to clear my head. I do a lot of thinking while swimming, I think about what I have to do that day, how to phrase something, etc.   I have really come to enjoy my swimming workout.  My gym itself is elevated, it is on the second floor of the building.  Honestly, its kind of a workout just to get to the gym.  The pool is even more elevated.  You are in the back corner, elevated, looking down on everyone working out.  The pool is a great, smaller room, well heated, etc.  Great conditions to workout, its very cave like.  There are a lot of times when I am the only person in the pool too.

This is where my nightmare begins.  It is a nightmare that I think about almost every time I get in the pool.  At some point during my swim I always think...what happens in the Zombie Apocalypse occurs while I am swimming?  Seriously, I think about this.  I always envision me getting done with my swim, I get out of the pool and look down at the gym, and then BAM!   There is nothing but blood, carnage, and death.  Maybe even a loan "Walker" or two stumbling about the gym.  I seriously think about what I am going to do if the ZA occurs while I'm swimming.  What does someone do to fight off zombies in their swim trunks?  Sort of like when you are showering at home and you hear a thump somewhere in the house, you think to yourself "great, now I am going to have to fight off the burglar naked. "  Same sort of thought that I have with the pool.  

Anyway, thus far I have been lucky. No Zombie Apocalypse while I have been swimming.  I will go to work out tomorrow and sometime during my swim I will think to myself....what if today is the day?