What is love? There are a lot of different loves. As I sit on the couch tonight watching American Idol with the girls I start thinking about how lucky I am. There were some great singers on AI, some with some sad (amazing) stories. All three girls were snuggled with either my wife, or myself- and I couldn't help but thank God. I thought about the love in the room and I began to think about how different it was. My love for my wife is one of the strongest loves I have ever felt. I sometimes lose sight of that, or let other things get in the way. When I think about what we have been through in our 10.5 years together, I cant help but be proud of where we are and what we have done. When I look at my girls, I see my life. It is a love you can't express in any blog. You love them so much it hurts. I thought about how my parents felt and there love for me, which in some ways is a different love than the others. Love is a powerful word that maybe gets used too often but when it is in its purest form- it really can move mountains. Love makes you get out of bed those mornings you don't want to. Love makes you bite your lip at work because you know you have mouths counting on your paycheck. Love makes you sign your name on a line, knowing that by doing so it might send you off to war. Love, makes you take another round of chemo- makes you want to keep fighting for one more day.
The first type of love is EROS. The butterflies in the stomach, the passion, most associated with the physical touch the need to have physical contact. This can oftentimes be sexual and if that is all the relationship is, the relationship will fade. I will never forget- one time standing next to a mentor of mine, a very attractive woman walked by. I pointed her out and this "Coach" said to me, "You know what Boomer? Someone is tired of f*cking her." When you think about it, it is probably true. Sexual passion (EROS) in a relationship is great, every relationship needs much more to make it last. Eros can also mean just being touched and it doesn't have to be sexual. Baby's need to be touched- they need the physical contact. When we are done having kids, one of the things Brooke wants to do is volunteer at a hospital as a baby holder. Simply put, babies need to physically feel love. As we get old, sometimes we are left in nursing homes, abandoned by all those who "loved" us. Often times what they need most is someone to hold their hand. They just need to feel someone else. This is Eros.
The second type is called AGAPE. Agape is more a servants love, one based on someones needs, not wants. God so agaped this world that he sent his Son, knowing he would be crucified. Sometimes parents act this way with their spouses or kids. If there needs to be an intervention, making this difficult decision is more of an agape love. It is tough love, one that is not only difficult to actually practice but difficult to accept as well. We should agape our enemies.
The third type of love is PHILIA. Just like Philadelphia- Philia is the love of friendship, brotherly love. The love that binds humans together by common interests. I have a philia for many people I work with and went to college with. Because of my Fraternity, I experienced this type of love, still do to this day, with people from all over America. Unfortunately, this love is much like Eros, in the sense that it can fade over time. It is subject to our surroundings. Many of us had friends who meant the world to us at the time but later fell out of favor. Sometimes it is because we move, sometimes it is because they move, sometimes we are in the same city but our souls move away from each other. This is a great love though, if you have 3 or 4 people you share a true philia with- you are lucky.
The last version of love is STORGE. This is the familia love between generations. From me to Reagan, from PawPaw to me. I feel that this is the love most important to me, one that I am most surrounded by. I was raised in such a supportive family, I knew that no matter what- my parents would love me. What an amazing, powerful, security blanket that its. I could fail time and time again and they would tell me to try one more time. I would win and win big, and they would remind me to be humble in victory. No matter what I wanted to do, no matter how I wanted to live, they would love me. It is a powerful thing. As I looked at my family tonight I thought about the storge I hope they feel. I can get after them one second for acting up but it doesn't mean I don't love them. I really got after Baylor for the first time tonight, and after about 2 minutes and a few tears, she was jumping all over me. She knew that I still loved her. I don't know what these girls will grow up to be, but as long as they make smart choices, take care of each other, and do their best, they will be loved. Here they will always have their storge.
So, what is love? Sometimes it is all 4 different types, sometimes it is just one. A life without love is empty, a life with love is worth living.
Boomer-again wonderful, well thought out and very true. Of course you could have left out the reference to "an intervention" and that whole nursing home thing. Both make me nervous. By the way, the morning line in Vegas is that you will not be through having kids until Kragthorpe gets another head coaching job. Wow, That will be so long that I will need a new sweat shirt with Pawpaw on it by that time. Seriously--very well done. Probably one of your top three. Oh, and by the way, your girls are so well behaved because they do know they are loved. Security for all of us,especially children is so important. You, like your bother, make your Mom and me very proud. Love all you guys--Dad
ReplyDeleteYou were always sensitive, but how did you get to be so eloquent?
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