Circle of Life

That is Burbon on the left, holding the baby.  The baby is my father, Tim.  The woman in the front, on the right, is my Granny (Doris).

January 10th is a sad day in my house.  On this day in 1988, Burbon E. Ayers passed away.  I remember the last Christmas we had with PawPaw in Louisville.  He had moved back to Louisville from Jacksonville, Florida.  He had to, he was dying of Cancer.  I have blogged about my PawPaw before.  If you didnt read it, you can do so by clicking here.  Even if you have previously read it, I would recommend you doing so again.  That Christmas was much less a celebration, and much more of a preparation.  Mom and Dad knew what was coming, I think we were probably too young to understand.  At least I was.  When the good Lord finally called Burbon up, my father was sitting right next to him.  They asked my dad if he (my dad) wanted them to bring Burbon back to life, and Dad said no.  It was an extremely unselfish, and courageous, decision made by the greatest man I have ever known, my Dad.  The selfish thing to do would say yes.  We always want more time with our loved ones.  We want one more chance to tell them that we love them.  We want to spend as much time as possible with them, we will do anything for them.  Life is not a dress rehearsal, and my dad knew that it was time for Burbon (PawPaw v. 1.0) to be in heaven.   Dad's mom was already gone, Burbon was all he had left from his childhood.  Dad didn't bring him back.  He knew that Burbon was in an unfair amount of pain.  Dad knew that Burbon was ready to go, and that Burbon missed Doris. So Dad did what is one of the hardest things to do, he let go.

As mentioned before, I remember when I woke up on the 11th and Dad was home.  I knew that wasnt good.  He brought us into their bedroom and told us what happened. It was the first time I remember ever seeing my dad cry. I will never forget it.  As angry as I was that my PawPaw gone, Dad said "he is no longer in pain, no more hurting, now he is in heaven." Not a day goes by when my father doesn't think about Burbon.  Sure it hurts to remember the loved one lost,  but it hurts even more to forget them.  Burbon is never forgotten.  I know Burbon would be proud of the man he raised.  A man who always loved his family, first.  Who gave his best at everything he did, and who always tried to treat people fairly.  My father is PawPaws legacy, and by extension, so are Patrick and I. So are the girls, which makes my dad PawPaw (v 2.0).  January 10th is always sort of a sad day in my house.

January 10th is also a happy day in my house. On this day in 2002, I asked Brooke to marry me. For the record,  I did previously ask her father for permission.  By previously, I mean 10 days earlier.  It should be known that Brooke already had the dress.  It was already a done deal in her eyes.  I still needed to make it official though.  I had to give Brooke her ring , and she had to give me a flat screen tv.  Regardless, after I asked "Pop," I wasn't exactly sure how, or when, I would ask Brooke.  That ring quickly started burning a hole in my pocket.  Brooke would have hated something flashy or anything that would have drawn attention to herself.  My whole intention was to do it on a day when she least expected it, where she least expected it.  In retrospect, they way I did it was pretty underwhelming, and perhaps if I had to do it all over, I would change it up.  What I would not change, is the day I selected.  I remember sitting on my couch in Lexington and thinking about my PawPaw and how this was a bad anniversary.  I knew it would always be like that for the rest of my life.  What could I do to change that?  I hoped that I would only do what I was about to do once, so why not make my family bigger on a day when years earlier there had been a great void?  So, I selected this date with much more purpose than I did in the manner in which I asked Brooke.  Again, she already had the dress!  I don't know if I ever apologized to Brooke for simply catching her off guard in the our apartment? Im sorry, Brooke,  if that wasnt what you dreamed of.  The puppies (Flaget and Rory were puppies then) thought it was great!  Daddy (me) was getting down on the floor to play with them...so they thought.  I remember when Dad asked Mom to marry him- waaaaay back in the dark ages- he said "I promise to always love you and always take care of you.  Other than that, I can't promise a thing."  So when Brooke turned around and I was down on one knee (with two dogs jumping all over me), I said the same thing.  It seemed to have worked for them, maybe it would bring us some of that same luck.  The rest, as they say, is history.  History that we are still writing.  January 10th is also a happy day in my house.

See ya at Disney World!

Last week, we had to cut my visit to my parents house short, due to an unforeseen work commitment.  It was disappointing that my girls didn't get to spend more time with their MaMaw and PawPaw.  Brooke and I were talking about how amazing it is that they have such wonderful grandparents, grandparents who get along, too.  I never knew my Dad's mother, she never knew her father's father, so we are lucky. However, no matter how long you spend with them, it never seems like enough.   Despite the fact that they we were all sad to leave, Reagan left this incredible note for my parents when we did.  This board is downstairs in their playroom, and she did this without telling anyone.

"I miss you all ready (already).  Love, Reagan" Well played, Reagan.  This was very impressive by her.  Almost as impressive of the fact that my father took this picture with his iPhone and txtd it me.  As we drove down the driveway, the girls were yelling "See ya in Disney World, MaMaw!"  The next time the girls will see her is when we pick her up at the Orlando airport next month.   That does have a great ring to it.