Happy Birthday Pops, Rojo, Dad-

I wanted to wish my father in law (who i will refer to as Pops in this blog) a Happy Birthday.  To me, Pops' story is really amazing.  I struggle writing this blog because i feel so much that I would want to add (to illustrate that story) was told to me in relative confidence and I do not want to violate that.  So I will do my best to tell a story to justify the guy he is and our special relationship. 

First off, I call him Dad.  A term I do not use lightly.  I am extremely lucky that I love my wife's family and in particular her father.  I understand that it is not always that way and in fact, most of the time you simply tolerate them.  This is by no means the case with me.  I invited my father in law to my bachelor party in New Orleans, an inviation I think he regrets declining to this day.  He is a friend, someone who I go to for advice, and a good time to be around.  In some ways he reminds me of my own father, but in some ways they are complete opposites.

My father grew up in a very loving, supportive family.  Despite the TB that my grandfather suffered through, he was always there for my Dad and they were very close.   I think that is part of the reason why my father and I are so close. My father wears his heart on his sleeve, he sings, he cries, and he loves with all the passion in the world- that’s the way he was raised.  Its too complicated to explain Pops childhood and even his earlier fatherhood years.  Eotionally, they were just totally different people.

I think a few things happened that changed my father in law and made him a different man today.  Pops had skin cancer twice.  The bad kind- not the kind they can simply cut away.  Anytime you are faced with that, it’s likely to change you.  I think he realize how precious life really is.  Plus, his kids grew up- his son became a cop, his daughter a highly successful college student.  At some point around this time, he realized that he had done a good job.  I would like to think I had an effect on him too.  When I came around he realized he had someone else to laugh with, tell sex jokes with, eat fatty foods with, cry with, and simply trust.  While Pops and I had a special bond- his relationships with my "kitchen cabinet" have become fulfilling for me to see as well.  My brother Patrick, Johnny C (who once impersonated Pops' son.  Now can you imagine a pasty, ginger 6 foot 5 guy with a short, Middle Eastern looking 5'7 son?  Shit that is a blog right there).  But most importantly I have been thrilled by the relationship between my two dads.  It’s funny because they are similar in the fact that they HATE people.  Yet despite the fact that they HATE people, they truly do love each other.  This means a lot to me- because I care so much about the both of them.  They HATE talking on the phone, yet they talk often and normally, they end the call (sometimes in tears) with- "I love ya man."    So, I think all of us have changed Pops a bit.

Despite his own struggles with Cancer- nothing is like hearing your wife has it.  All of us husbands/fathers say "I don’t care what you do to me but don’t hurt my wife/kids.  Mimi's battle with breast cancer was probably harder emotionally then his own.  It is times like that you realize how much your wife means to you and how dependent you really are on them. 

And then the grandkids came..and came...and are still coming.  Now, Pops is mush in their hands.  They have turned this once hard man, into a marshmallow.  Part of the reason is trust- he trusts us, part is because they are cute, all of it is love.  It may have taken him a few decades to get here but through his loving wife, devoted kids, extended family, and grandkids he has truly learned how to love.  That is an amazing lesson to learn- no matter what age. 

So Happy Birthday big man.  I wish I could be there with my girls to celebrate with you.  We could go to "Salad House" or something.  Unfortunately I am up in CT working...something I think you can appreciate and are okay with.  God help the guys that try to date my daughters, let alone marry them.  In reality, I pray the young men respect me as much as I do Pops.  I just hope they are slightly better behaved when they’ve had a little booze and are on a public beach.