My parents used to come to Lexington a lot, more as the girls grew up. They would always come for the day, have dinner, and go home. However, we never spent a lot of time together in one setting like I was fortunate enough to do with my in laws. There was good and bad to both situations. When one of the girls would have surgery, my parents were close enough to make the trek. That also meant they could go right home afterwards. When Mimi and Pop would come up (which wasn't as often), they would stay. The advantage of staying is that you really get to be part of our family and learn what its like to live in our house. You get to see the girls in a totally different light. It was comforting for me to see Mom when I woke up, watch Zombies on TV as we dozed off to sleep in the family room, and have her at every meal. Sort of like it used to be when I was a kid only better because now we have Brooke and the girls. It was great to have Mom here to show her the house, Chicago, and spend that quality time. It puts real meaning to the phrase "precious present." But hanging over me the entire time was the fact that come Monday she would be going back to Louisville. Our journey to the airport was probably a little more quiet than usual. We both knew what was coming. Nina's big adventure was coming to close. She really bonded with the girls the days when she was here and even the baby was reaching for Mamaw. You always love your grandkids, but I could see that her being here took that to a new level for her. I tried to put on a brave face, I am a man right Coach Gundy ? Anyway, being a husband, father, etc. etc. I could handle this. Well when time came to for Mom to go through security, I knew it was time for me to say goodbye and let her go. As many times as it was me going through security, very rarely am I on the other end. Almost never has it been either of my parents I was saying goodbye to, with me being the one left behind. As hard as I tried, as brave as I would like to think I am, I couldn't hold back. I didn't sob, I didn't snot out my nose, but I did cry. I was very sad, I didn't want her to go.
At that moment I thought about two people. I thought about how I have seen my wife do this a thousand times in our relationship. No matter how many times it happened, she would always cry when she left her parents. I never understood why until it was me crying in the airport. I always knew she was strong, I never realized how brave she was until I was the one with the empty feeling of seeing your parents go and not knowing when you would see them again. I also thought of a friend Patrick Stiff. He lost his Mom over a year ago. It was unexpected and too soon. I thought about how brave he is, on a daily basis, knowing that he would love one more time to say goodbye to her like I was fortunate enough to be doing at that moment. I never knew his Mom, but Im pretty sure she would be proud of the strength he shows. Thinking of both these people helped me take one step forward, otherwise I would probably still be standing there at the airport. After you take that first step, it does get a little easier.
This is all part of the deal with us being in Chicago, I know this. Mom's trip was a last minute trip, so I didn't even know it was going to happen two weeks before. Regardless, it was hard to swallow the first time and it may be hard every time. So to all my loved ones that may come up to visit us, there are a few ground rules we must follow:
1) Understand that I may get upset when you leave. Its sort of what I do, I hope its not embarrassing
2) Don't leave without planning when you will come back. It helps to know when you will return so that those left behind have something to hold on to.
3) Do whatever you can to come. The time shared is precious and means the world to us. You are always welcome.
I watched Mom until I could no longer see her, then I stood for a little bit longer. I knew I had to get to work and that there were things to do. In the end I was thankful for that moment. Lots of people would love to be able to say goodbye to a loved one, one more time. Mom and I can still talk on the phone, Skype, plan our next adventure. When you put it in that perspective, saying goodbye in the airport isn't the worst thing in the world. The tears, albeit slightly embarrassing, are just love. Thats all. And thats okay.
I'm glad I am the first to comment here, because I have a long one. First, I want to object to the usage of the horrible picture that makes me look like a deflated elephant. I won't go into an explanation of the outfit.
ReplyDeleteI had a wonderful time...a lot of sight seeing, playing and reading books. Brooke, Reagan and I going into "the big city" by ourselves was a big adventure I was happy to experience and to survive. In our family anytime I do anything on my own it's called a big adventure, and this certainly did qualify. Actually, any time I get on a plane is a big adventure. Don't get me wrong. I love flying and I enjoy parts of it that others who do it all the time don't necessarily appreciate.
1.) I am always bonded with the girls. They're my girls too. 2.) I knew and your father knew what was going to happen when we got to the airport. BTW it did start on the way. You just didn't know that I knew. 3.) You did sob. I saw you, but I also saw you waving until I got out of sight, and that made me cry.
As to the "ground rules" we ALL know it's what you do, and it's not at all embarrassing. I was crying, too. The people there at the security gate were good with it. As far as your other rules, they are good and valid. I agree. I always try to tell the girls when I will see them again. I'm working on #3.
Your father can relate to Patrick Stiff. He has been there and he thinks of his mother every day. People used to say that your Granny would never be dead as long as you were around. We can now say the same thing. . .your Granny will never be dead, and neither will you, as long as Baylor Grace is around. I think your friend Patrick will agree that our family is always in our hearts and therefore they are never really gone. So, I feel like I'm always there with you, no matter where you are, even though the separations are rough.
People who read this should understand, if they don't already know, that we are a very close family. We hold onto each other. So, when one part (and this is a big part)of our family is far, far away it is difficult on us all. However, it is only a short plane ride. . . and another adventure.
So, take that. . .I know you're tearing up now, and that's one of the things that we all love about you. However, I still object to the horrible picture.
Object all you want, but I was not sobbing.
ReplyDeleteExcellent job. I would much rather wear my feelings on my sleeve than to keep everything bottled up. Real men do cry and feel--phony macho guys do not. Besides as Irish Catholics it is not only OK it is required. Thanks for the trip and for taking care of your Mom. She is the only reason I ever get out of bed in the morning. Love all you guys. Be safe--snow and cold are coming.
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