Nearer My God To Thee

What is courage? I suppose there are a lot of places you can find courage, true courage.  A soldier on the battlefield that goes back into the fire to try and rescue a fallen brother. A parent that holds their child tight when the storm rages outside.  A child, sick in bed, who looks up into her parents eyes with a reassuring look to comfort her parents so that they know the fight will continue.  Or, the courage of a parent to know when their child's fight can't.  A grandfather who holds his wife's hand when it is her time to be called to the Lord.  A child on her first day of school, a parent as they watch their baby go off to college for the first time.  Courage can been seen in a lot of different ways, on a lot of different levels.  

I find that courage is one of those things I have had to work on the most as a parent.  Your kids look to you for comfort, encouragement, to reassure them that things are going to be okay.  When your kid falls, your reaction to her falling has a direct effect on her reaction to the fall.  If you freak out, even when it looks bad, they will freak out too.  If you fight that urge, and remain calm, they will mostly likely do the same.  I remember when we looked up at the ultrasound and were told that we might have lost the baby (Hadley).  I cry all the time, the girls do that to me.  Brooke never cries.  This was one time when roles were reversed.  She cried in that hospital room, and I remember the "fight or flight" feeling building in me.  I knew I had to remain calm, I had to remain strong.  We had the girls at home to think about, and I needed to comfort Brooke.  I didn't think it was fair, we already loved our new baby and didn't want to lose her, but I had to be brave.  I don't think of myself as an overly brave person, I have a lot of fear.  This was one major time I had to remind myself to be brave, or at least appear to be brave.  Too many people counted on me.  There will always be a later time to close the door, turn off the lights, and cry.  In the end, no matter how religious you think you are (or aren't), these trying moments bring you to your knees in prayer.  There are no atheist in a fox hole.   Id like to think my wife is one of the bravest people I know.  Nothing, short of the above example, gets to her.  She is calm, cool and collected.  I draw a lot of strength from her strength.  It is contagious, as is fear.  I think that's why our girls are so well adjusted, because their mother is so stable.  

I have had a few conversations lately about this idea of courage,  I speak of it to SAE a lot.  Do you have the courage to do the right thing?  Do you have the courage to hold others accountable when it is not easy, or popular, to do so?  These are attributes I hope that SAE teaches our young men.  Generally (hopefully), what they face in college does not compare to the trials they will face in life.  I hope our values help them have the courage needed when they do face those difficult times.  Recently,  I was addressing this issue when I asked the audience if they could guess a moment that I thought reflected an extraordinary amount of courage?  Many guessed times of battle (where courage is often showed), some guessed a sports example (where I guess in its own way has its courageous moments).  I then suggested the violinist on the deck of the Titanic.  With hell, literally flooding in all around him, he made the choice to continue to play.  As a result, others joined him.  It was a perfect example of The Serenity Prayer.  

God grant me the serenity 

to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference.

The gentleman on the deck didn't panic, he didn't make an effort to do anything other than what he was best at.  He knew he couldn't change what was happening, he accepted his fate, and he made a beautiful moment out of it.  That was courage.

It has been a "pleasure" to share some of my stories with you, thanks for those who continue to come back and read them.  This is a way for me to reach those I love who are far away.  Your love and support gives us strength...courage.  

Habemus Papam!

Today was an exciting day for us Catholics around the world.  We elected a new pope, the first from the Western Hemisphere.  He is a Jesuit (also a first), who focuses on poverty and humility.  We are all optimistic about our "new" 76 year old leader.  We pray that he leads us properly.  Of course the hate is already out there because of his stances on some issues.  Haters are gonna hate.  I was glued to my computer screen watching the smoke stack all day.  The seagull that became a celebrity by hanging out on the smoke stack was awesome.  We rushed back from lunch to see the white smoke, and I watched with anticipation for the curtains to be drawn back.  I was amazed at the rain soaked St. Peter's Square, a place where Brooke and I visited 9 years ago.  I was proud to have been there, and I am a proud Catholic.   As I don't agree with everything America does, nor am I proud of some of America's mistakes, I am always proud to be an American.  The same can be said for my Church.  A sense of pride swelled in me to see so many people, not just Catholics, pile into that St. Peter's.  I know that somewhere in Heaven my grandmother would be proud.  No doubt that Granny was excited for today.  Her Irish-Catholic blood is what brought the Southern Baptist Ayers to the Church of Rome.  Today would be a great day for her.  I was also proud of my father, Deacon Tim Ayers (who predicted the correct pope long before he was selected).  He has always lived a proud Catholic lifestyle, in the truest meaning of the word.  No matter what has happened in his life, he has kept the faith.  Dad believes in the true Christian spirit, and Deacon Tim is an excellent face for the Church.  If more Priests and Deacons were like him, we would have very little problems with our faith.  While he is a small piece of a huge puzzle, looking at that crowd today made me even more proud of Dad.  Lastly, I was proud/thankful for Caroline.

See, I had started my own Internet campaign for me to become Pope.  #BoomerforPope #JPIII.

It started with my brother first, Patrick was the first one on board.  Then Evy, from work, created this picture above.  She was quickly behind my push for the Papacy.  James Irwin, Patrick Stiff, Mark McDonough, and a few others really got behind my twitter campaign.  The support I got from the SAE world was great. I love being their ESR, but being a pope is a higher calling.  Everyone seemed to understand my situation.  When I got home for dinner, I was forced to have the conversation with my girls about moving to Italy. At first Reagan was disappointed about moving until I reassured her that I would bring both sets of grandparents with us.  Caroline, however, was all about it from the word go.  She believed in me from the start.  Keep in mind they have no real concept on how the pope is elected, or what it actually means.  To Caroline, it didn't matter.  She was confident I would make a great pope, and told me so at dinner.

I was proud of Brooke today, too.  She and Caroline watched the announcement on TV.  I think it is important for the girls to watch it.  Caroline, bless her heart, was sincerely disappointed when it wasn't her father who came out on the balcony. Deep in her beautiful heart, she was expecting me to be named Pope John Paul III.   She never lost faith.

I think this cycle of belief is a microcosm of any religion.  I believe that my grandmother, God rest her Irish soul, is in a better place.  I also believe that she would have been happy today.  I believe in Deacon Tim and the work that he does, even though I often cant see it due to me being far away.  Caroline believes in her daddy, despite the fact that she doesn't understand what is really going on.  Through her eyes, her daddy can do anything.  I was even proud of Patrick.  Perhaps its was the Jesuits that pushed him away, but maybe his brother being a pope could bring him back.  Back to a "home" (the Church) that always loved him and never stopped believing in him.   That is the definition of Faith, right?  No matter the distance, no matter the lack of knowledge, no matter the lack of evidence, you believe... and you are always welcome back.

Habemus Papam indeed.


#BoomerforPopenexttime

Ive built my life around you...

You should play this song, before you read this blog.  Landslide is a great song on its own, but it is a song that sort of sums up where I am in my life right now. Hadley Blaine is now in a big girl bed, she has even gone potty in the big girl potty.  I feel like Brooke and I spend our days trying to get her to grow up.  We are trying to make her a big girl.  She is such a joy to watch grow, and is by nature the funniest girl we have.  Caroline is accidentally hilarious, Hadley is intentional.  Here she is doing a downward facing dog while watching Duck Dynasty with her Dad.  Why not?

Her optional words she speaks are funny too.  Of course she says Mom, Dad, bye, hi, etc.  The normal words a girl her age will say.  Its pretty funny when she says iPad, cheeeeeese, please, boo (if she is trying to scare you) or FIA (for Sophia- a Disney cartoon)!  Soon she will ditch the binky, lose the diapers, and Brooke and I will be out of the baby stage.  Im sure Brooke will have a glass of wine to celebrate, I will be little sad.

Her first roller coaster, Thunder Mt. 

You probably expected me to write about my Disney trip, and maybe you're wondering why it has come? Truth is, it was very un-Griswoldian.  It almost all went according to plan.  Baylor Grace and I did everything together, and we learned she LOVES roller coasters.  She hasn't learned how to properly yell on a roller coaster yet though.  She sort of yelps like a dog.  Reagan has a horror movie like yell, perfect for a coaster or movie theatre.  It was so neat to see them ride the big girl rides, Baylor Grace has no fear.  We even rode a ride at Animal Kingdom where you go back in time and try and find this particular dinosaur, it was very Jurassic Park.  It got to the point where Reagan couldn't take it anymore.  She closed her eyes, and bowed her head as if she was praying.  Truth be told, she probably was.  Not Baylor Grace, nothing fazed her.  She screamed (yelped) with the best of them and loved the ride. AGAIN, was her word of the week.  I pity the boys who come calling for her.   Caroline spent much of her time with MaMaw, they had a great week together.  Reagan was mostly with Brooke, while Hadley got passed around like a cold plate of biscuits.  The weather wasn't great in Naples, but it didnt ruin their fun.  Disney is a place where "dreams come true" and seeing my mother there with my wife and kids was very special for me.

Hadley is not even 2, this was her third trip to Disney.  Needless to say, we love that place.  I love that place.  It costs us an arm and a leg every time we go, but Brooke and I think it is totally worth the money.  The look in the girls eyes truly is magical.  I saw a slight change in Reagan this time.  A slight change in Reagan.  Don't get me wrong, we all loved it and had a great time.  However, this time....she wasn't into it as much as the past.  You could tell that she had sort of seen it already and wasn't as impressed.  At least that is what I thought.  Our last night there got cut a little short because of a rain storm, so we had to leave prior than expected.  She cried a little bit as we were leaving, that let me know she loves it there still too.

I am constantly reminded that she is growing up , see the picture above.  She has now lost two teeth, her second one just today.  We have one girl that we are trying to get to grow up, and another one I am trying to hit the brakes on.  Its strange, you know? You build your whole life around people with the goal of doing it in such a way that they can make it without you.  I think of my parents who now have both their boys living in other parts of the country.  I hate going a day without seeing my girls, I couldn't imagine being in their shoes.  I know they are happy for us, but it is difficult.   Handling the seasons of your life is bittersweet.  Its tough to see your last baby give up her binky, and it is tough to see your oldest baby start losing her teeth.  It is tough to see your last baby move to Chicago, and your oldest to VA.  So you do what you can to hold on to what you can.  You hit the brakes as much as possible.

Children get older, and Im getting older too.

Im still here

I know it has been a while since my last blog, and I know most of you don't care.  For the 3 that do, just know that I am still here.  I like to blog when something moves me, or when there is something worth writing about.  I have been so busy with work and travel, I haven't had time to think (to be honest).  I have a blog brewing, I'm letting it percolate a little more before I commit to writing it down.

So, stay with me....there is more to come!

Bro Bowl

The BIG game is finally here.  America loves football.  You might be asking yourself, "what does Boomer feel about this game?"  Well maybe you aren't, but I am going to tell you anyway.

To be perfectly honest, I hate it.  I don't  really even hate all the hype around the Harbaugh brothers.  Everyone has been talking about that for weeks.  I think we were all tired of hearing about it before the NFC/AFC championship trophies were handed out.  Mike Tarico just said that this is the greatest sibling story in sports of all time.  No one has missed a chance to take part of the hyperbole for this event.  It is bad enough for the Super Bowl, its even worse having brothers as the head coaches of the opposing teams.  I hate it.

Let me tell you why.  Coaches, and players, are defined by how many of the big games you won.  Specifically, how many rings did you win?  Roy Williams was always the greatest coach to never win a title, until he did.  Cal was always the best recruiter to never win a title..until he did.  LeBron, couldn't win the big game...until he did.  Steve Young, Peyton Manning, the list goes on and on.  Those great players and coaches whose greatness was cemented by winning that one title.  The other side of the coin is that like the Charles Barkley and the Dan Marino of the sports worlds.  The greatest to never win a title.  Athletes are simply defined by the rings.  While a Harbaugh is guaranteed to win a Super Bowl, there is also one that is guaranteed to lose it as well.  There are no promises for tomorrow, its possible that neither will reach this game again.  This could be their one and only shot.  As much as I would want to win this game, I would not want to do it at the expense of my brother's legacy.  That is something that would stick with me forever.  Again, my brother may never win one, and his one shot was ruined by me.  When you lose a game like this, it never fully leaves you.  Every year you are reminded of how you came so close to the apex of your sport, yet fell short.  Every holiday you would see your brother, you would look at his ring finger on his right hand, and you would wonder what it was like to wear that huge ring.  Its tough, and I do not like one bit.

I wish this game could end in a tie, both teams declared a victor.  Nothing should come between family, but this is something that comes pretty close to doing that.  You never want your professional legacy to be tainted because of someone in your own family.  However, you gotta to pick sides, so I pick the 49ers.  Why you might ask?  Am I a life long 9ers fan?  No.  While I used to love Steve Young, Im not a 9ers fan.  Im picking the 9ers because I too am a younger brother.  No one who isn't a younger brother doesn't know the feelings that come along with that.  You don't know the fire, the burning desire, that rests deep inside of you for beating your older brother.  It doesn't matter what you are playing, you irrationally want to beat your older brother.  Its simply an instinct to prove your worth, fueled by thousands of years of the oldest brother getting everything.   Younger brothers are typically more fiery, more emotional, and less predictable.  They get knocked down time and time again, until one day their brother comes home from college and the younger brother finally beats his older brother in basketball.  So badly that the older brother has trouble scoring.  Hypothetically speaking of course.  So with that, Im pulling for the team from San Fran today.   Because....we all know that younger brothers are much, much, cooler.

Circle of Life

That is Burbon on the left, holding the baby.  The baby is my father, Tim.  The woman in the front, on the right, is my Granny (Doris).

January 10th is a sad day in my house.  On this day in 1988, Burbon E. Ayers passed away.  I remember the last Christmas we had with PawPaw in Louisville.  He had moved back to Louisville from Jacksonville, Florida.  He had to, he was dying of Cancer.  I have blogged about my PawPaw before.  If you didnt read it, you can do so by clicking here.  Even if you have previously read it, I would recommend you doing so again.  That Christmas was much less a celebration, and much more of a preparation.  Mom and Dad knew what was coming, I think we were probably too young to understand.  At least I was.  When the good Lord finally called Burbon up, my father was sitting right next to him.  They asked my dad if he (my dad) wanted them to bring Burbon back to life, and Dad said no.  It was an extremely unselfish, and courageous, decision made by the greatest man I have ever known, my Dad.  The selfish thing to do would say yes.  We always want more time with our loved ones.  We want one more chance to tell them that we love them.  We want to spend as much time as possible with them, we will do anything for them.  Life is not a dress rehearsal, and my dad knew that it was time for Burbon (PawPaw v. 1.0) to be in heaven.   Dad's mom was already gone, Burbon was all he had left from his childhood.  Dad didn't bring him back.  He knew that Burbon was in an unfair amount of pain.  Dad knew that Burbon was ready to go, and that Burbon missed Doris. So Dad did what is one of the hardest things to do, he let go.

As mentioned before, I remember when I woke up on the 11th and Dad was home.  I knew that wasnt good.  He brought us into their bedroom and told us what happened. It was the first time I remember ever seeing my dad cry. I will never forget it.  As angry as I was that my PawPaw gone, Dad said "he is no longer in pain, no more hurting, now he is in heaven." Not a day goes by when my father doesn't think about Burbon.  Sure it hurts to remember the loved one lost,  but it hurts even more to forget them.  Burbon is never forgotten.  I know Burbon would be proud of the man he raised.  A man who always loved his family, first.  Who gave his best at everything he did, and who always tried to treat people fairly.  My father is PawPaws legacy, and by extension, so are Patrick and I. So are the girls, which makes my dad PawPaw (v 2.0).  January 10th is always sort of a sad day in my house.

January 10th is also a happy day in my house. On this day in 2002, I asked Brooke to marry me. For the record,  I did previously ask her father for permission.  By previously, I mean 10 days earlier.  It should be known that Brooke already had the dress.  It was already a done deal in her eyes.  I still needed to make it official though.  I had to give Brooke her ring , and she had to give me a flat screen tv.  Regardless, after I asked "Pop," I wasn't exactly sure how, or when, I would ask Brooke.  That ring quickly started burning a hole in my pocket.  Brooke would have hated something flashy or anything that would have drawn attention to herself.  My whole intention was to do it on a day when she least expected it, where she least expected it.  In retrospect, they way I did it was pretty underwhelming, and perhaps if I had to do it all over, I would change it up.  What I would not change, is the day I selected.  I remember sitting on my couch in Lexington and thinking about my PawPaw and how this was a bad anniversary.  I knew it would always be like that for the rest of my life.  What could I do to change that?  I hoped that I would only do what I was about to do once, so why not make my family bigger on a day when years earlier there had been a great void?  So, I selected this date with much more purpose than I did in the manner in which I asked Brooke.  Again, she already had the dress!  I don't know if I ever apologized to Brooke for simply catching her off guard in the our apartment? Im sorry, Brooke,  if that wasnt what you dreamed of.  The puppies (Flaget and Rory were puppies then) thought it was great!  Daddy (me) was getting down on the floor to play with them...so they thought.  I remember when Dad asked Mom to marry him- waaaaay back in the dark ages- he said "I promise to always love you and always take care of you.  Other than that, I can't promise a thing."  So when Brooke turned around and I was down on one knee (with two dogs jumping all over me), I said the same thing.  It seemed to have worked for them, maybe it would bring us some of that same luck.  The rest, as they say, is history.  History that we are still writing.  January 10th is also a happy day in my house.

See ya at Disney World!

Last week, we had to cut my visit to my parents house short, due to an unforeseen work commitment.  It was disappointing that my girls didn't get to spend more time with their MaMaw and PawPaw.  Brooke and I were talking about how amazing it is that they have such wonderful grandparents, grandparents who get along, too.  I never knew my Dad's mother, she never knew her father's father, so we are lucky. However, no matter how long you spend with them, it never seems like enough.   Despite the fact that they we were all sad to leave, Reagan left this incredible note for my parents when we did.  This board is downstairs in their playroom, and she did this without telling anyone.

"I miss you all ready (already).  Love, Reagan" Well played, Reagan.  This was very impressive by her.  Almost as impressive of the fact that my father took this picture with his iPhone and txtd it me.  As we drove down the driveway, the girls were yelling "See ya in Disney World, MaMaw!"  The next time the girls will see her is when we pick her up at the Orlando airport next month.   That does have a great ring to it.